The brief, chaotic history of the gender reveal party.

Gender reveal events have gone viral on the internet. Global uproar has been sparked by this media trend, and the discussion is unlikely to conclude anytime soon.

Blogger Jenna Karvunidis sliced into her custom-made cake in Los Angeles 13 years ago. The room was informed by the pink frosting that she was expecting a daughter. As a result of her blog post about the party going viral, the gender reveal party as we know it today was born. Its popularity was fueled by social media. During its initial stages, the festivities drew in friends and relatives who saw the happy couple and eagerly anticipated the pink or blue discovery. However, these days, the gender reveal party is more closely linked to international, news-grabbing disasters that have sparked earthquakes and wildfires.

As much a rite of passage during pregnancy as the “big” ultrasound and throwing a lavish baby shower is, gender reveal parties have become increasingly popular among today’s parents-to-be. Gender reveal parties have become the latest way for couples to share the news of pregnancy.

But pink and blue pyrotechnics aside, gender reveal parties are problematic because to their reinforcement of the gender binary. It's crucial to address the ramifications of thinking a child's sex and gender identity are one and the same.

Those not in support of the traditional gender reveal dispute the concept that a kid will behave in a specific way or enjoy certain things, colours, or toys as a result of the biological sex organs from which they were born. Instead of embracing a gender fluid mindset and acknowledging that. It’s limiting to the unborn child, as the parents, the family, and all of those involved in a gender reveal party are assuming how he or she will undoubtedly identify to this pink or blue narrative, creating a structured, binary, and limiting environment for the child's development" (Castagnaro, 2022).

The biological sex of a baby refers to the type of genitalia a baby will be born with whereas gender identity can be a multitude of things. Someone’s gender identity and expression can surpass the traditional ideas of femininity or masculinity. Gender reveal parties exclude the possibility that someone could identify as non-binary, transgender, genderqueer and so much more (Stopyra, 2017).

For many parents a gender reveal party is a way to celebrate an important milestone in one’s pregnancy while also being able to involve close friends and family. But there are other ways to get grandparents excited for the birth of their first grandchild or to involve future godparents, aunts or uncles. But by doing so it can lead to consequences for the unborn child that include a feeling of not belonging or of feeling judged for their gender identity that was essentially chosen for them pre birth.

Why Gender Reveals Need a Rethink

Dear Parents-to-Be: Stop Celebrating Your Baby's Gender

One in every 1000 to 1500 child is born with a visible form of Difference of Sex Development (DSD), which means being neither entirely male nor female (Stopyra, 2017).

Cutting into a pink or blue cake seems innocent enough—but honestly, it's not.

For starters, gender-reveal parties don't actually reveal gender—they reveal anatomy.

Societal norms see gender and sex as synonyms. But as we shift away from that traditional mindset toward a culture that seeks to accept those of any identity, more and more people are beginning to see the two as different. Indeed, one’s sex is directly related to the genitalia they have at birth, while gender is a much more fluid concept (Perry, 2020).

Gender and sex are not the same

By excluding a segment of the community from a right that solely endorses a binary conception of identity, we contribute to the stigmatisation of transgender and intersex people. Then there are the millions of children who are born with an assigned sex that does not match.

Gender reveal parties rely on stereotypes of gender. They emphasise that pink is associated with girls and blue with boys. These outdated gender norms reinforce the notion that certain colours, interests, and behaviours are inevitably linked to a person's gender identity. The desire to reveal your future baby's sex and equate it with their gender demonstrates how deeply ingrained the cisgender binary and gender norms are in our society.

There should be a clear distinction between gender and sex at gender reveals. Gender reveals are notoriously stereotypical, especially considering parents have no idea what their child will be like. For girls, it's all pink and princesses, while boys have blue and sports. If you think about it, that's a ridiculous amount of gender conformity to impose on a baby before it's even born.

Gender reveals come with gendered gifts and assumptions before the baby takes its first breath. These babies will have unique personalities, interests, and talents; their gender is only a small part of who they are. Every baby is an individual. Not all girls are the same and not all boys are the same. Gender at birth provides very little information about your child. So, why is there such a focus on gender? A girl may grow up wanting to be a construction worker, while a boy may want to be a ballet dancer. The majority of gender reveals significantly play into gender stereotypes and focus on gender as if it’s a concrete personality trait.

Instead of being grouped into one of two categories from the time they are in the womb, children should be allowed to try different things and figure out who they are. The emphasis on gender roles and gendered items colours etc. at these celebrations is extreme.

We should not expect daughters to differ in any way from sons. Yes, there are lots of ways that typically boys are different from girls but no one knows whether these will apply to their child. So, what's the point of these parties?

Celebrities frequently go to great lengths to announce the gender of their unborn child, transforming gender reveal parties into costly spectacles. These events can involve complex setups, lavish décor, and even stunts or performances. While the goal of these celebrations is typically to share joy and excitement with friends, family, and fans, they are also unintentionally perpetuating gender stereotypes.

When celebrities promote extravagant gender reveal celebrations in the media, they start trends that inspire others to follow. The widespread coverage of these events in magazines, social media, and news outlets heightens their impact and contributes to their normalisation. As a result, more people may feel compelled to organise similarly expensive gender reveal parties in order to conform to society standards.

The media's presentation of these events also glamorises and exaggerates them, making them appear as an appealing and necessary part of the pregnancy process. This can cause a sense of fear of missing out for expecting parents, who may feel obligated to join in these celebrations to ensure they do not miss out on the excitement and joy connected with gender reveal parties.

DANGER! GENDER REVEAL

For some, gender reveals are a celebration for others a perpetuation of outdated patriarchal stereotypes but for a majority of emergency services, gender reveals have become a hazard. Long gone are pink and blue confetti or cake instead welcome to the age of pink forest fires and baby blue waterfalls.

A couple in California were charged with over 30 crimes as they sparked a deadly wildfire with a pyrotechnic device used for their baby shower, the fire destroyed 5 homes, over 20,000 acres of forest and they were charged with involuntary manslaughter after the death of a fire fighter (Castagnaro, 2022). Another gender reveal gone bad was when a couple dyed a waterfall baby blue for their baby boy, subsequently contaminating the river and the primary water source for the town of Tangara de Serra (Castagnaro, 2022).

Our advice, rather than creating a potentially hazardous situation for guests, the environment or your baby, have a baby shower instead! This also fostering an inclusive environment where gender stereotypes isn't the main focus. A win-win!

In my Tik Tok Era

"Secret revealed: It's a..."

The problem with gender reveals on TikTok, as with any platform, has potential for reinforcing harmful stereotypes and perpetuating outdated gender norms.

Rather than people noticing what obsolete ideas that gender reveals perpetuate they are interacting with these tiktok's which makes them become a trend and the harmful stereotype is repeated again and again because gender reveals are seen as cool.

Why so disappointed?

While yes, it is exciting for any parent to find out what sex their baby is but with the introduction of social media videos are being uploaded that could be harmful for their baby in the future.

Pink confetti is sprayed in the air, the video pans around to all guests and family to see many of them excited for this new life but you can't help but see the sheer disappointment on the fathers face when he sees his child is going to be female. Is this child going to question their fathers love when they see this video eventually in the future?

Is there a way for gender reveals to be all inclusive?

Gender reveals are very fickle ideas when trying to make everyone happy. The reason often for a gender reveal is celebrate finding out what sex your baby will be. Many invite all of their family and friends so that they can celebrate with them but what happens when not everyone agrees with the idea of a gender reveal?

The answer is no, you cannot throw a gender reveal if you want the rights and views of everyone to respected, as shown in the video above, simply because people have differing ideas surrounding the interpretation of gender and sex.

HOW ABOUT A NEW KIND OF GENDER REVEAL?

Gender reveals in this day and age have become outdated and it is time for something new and progressive to be thought of to ensure that babies are not forced into gender stereotypes.

Why not instead of using blue and pink choose neutral colours like green, purple, yellow or beige to celebrate the baby rather than pick it's gender.

Emphasise the celebration not the stereotypes! Instead of focusing on the gender of the baby focus on the new life and future that you will be having with this new baby rather than forcing traditional gendered roles onto it.

Throw a sex party? I know what your thinking and while that may be the way the baby was created it is not that kind of party. Instead of throwing a gender reveal throw a sex reveal where one will acknowledge the difference between biological sex and gender identity and express openness to their child's identity.

Gender reveals could become a platform for education rather than the perpetuation of gendered stereotypes. One could use gender reveals to have open discussions around issues like gender fluidity and acceptance, using the event to raise awareness rather than pushing their child into a binary. Include a nod to inclusivity to full spectrum of gender identities at your gender reveal and move beyond the binary notion of male and female

ARE GENDER REVEALS ABOUT TAKING BACK POWER?

Pregnancy for many is a loss of control over their bodies and themselves. As the baby grows, the mother becomes forgotten with all focus being on the foetus. Joy and excitement is what the baby is faced with but the mother sheer criticism about what they eat, why they are stressed and what air they are breathing, this might be for a healthier baby but judgement and restrictions on expectant mothers goes hand in hand.

So is a gender reveal a way of taking control back from the baby and the societal pressures that mothers face when they are pregnant or is it simply another ritual that has been commoditised?

While the gender reveal may be taking all the surprise out of pregnancy it allows parents to plan and feel prepared when the baby comes. Gender reveals reclaim the privilege of control. Parents are able to plan these parties, choose rituals and plan for the future of their baby even if the planning is unnecessary and presumptuous.

The idea of control is interesting because not only is the control of their babies life so little but the control of their gender is completely out of their hands which is interesting when the notion of taking power back over their pregnancy is brought up in terms of a gender reveal because that is a decision that parents do not get to make at all. By using gender reveals as a form of taking back power it is simply creating a puesdo power for the mother.

References

Castagnaro, G. (2022, October 12). Why Gender Reveal Parties Are So Very, Very Dumb. GenderGP Transgender Services. https://www.gendergp.com/gender-reveal-parties-are-dumb/

Stopyra, D. (2017, July 5). Dear Parents-to-Be: Stop Celebrating Your Baby’s Gender. Marie Claire. https://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a28016/gender-reveal-parties/

Perry, C. (2020, September 15). How Gender Reveal Parties Reinforce a Harmful Binary. Verywell Family. https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-gender-reveal-parties-reinforce-a-harmful-binary-5077547

In My Gender Reveal Era